From darkness into light

From darkness into light

I love this day of the year: Winter Solstice. The day with the greatest promise of light. This year has come for me with lots of shadows and I feel even more connected with this celebration. My practice has been, and it is, to connect with that promise, that is the promise of yoga. Ans not only that, but to learn to celebrate the shadow as well, in the same way that we celebrate today the longest night of the year.

Over the last months, I have felt the great pulsation of light and shadow; of resistance and surrender; of hating and savouring the process; of feeling lost and of being in love with life mysteries. I have lived moments in which the pulsation turns into giant waves that pull you down to the bottom and you feel you could drawn. My neighbour in Morocco, a surf trainer, gave me one an advice that proved very useful in the ocean: “When you are pulled under by the waves, count the seconds. You will realise that the time is not so long as you feel” Sometimes I have found myself mentally counting, and not precisely under the water…

The journey to the underworld, as in Inanna´s myth, is real. As they are all the fears, the sensations, the pain and all the parts of your being that get revealed.  Josep Soler, in his book  “The journey of the soul”  says that  “after the fear there is nothing”.  I have felt that there is a moment when you have spent so long with your fears, with your shadow aspects that they become so familiar than your perception and judgement about them change. And you start accepting them as parts of yourself.

And with that acceptance it comes the gift that is hidden in each process, inside each challenge. Some are obvious, like the gift of time. Some are still to be revealed.

My gratitude for all of them. Thank you for the flash of insight inside a book. Thank you for all the different forms of help and support. Thank you for the raw open heart enlightening conversations with the most special friends. Thank you of the wisdom of dear teachers that show up when you need them the most. Thank you for sisterhood. Thank you for the spark of life as the energy that spring forth when everything seems exhausted.

My commitment, this Winter Solstice, is to honor the darkness and transmute it into new life, with every breath, with every step, and to celebrate the light 

I invite you to dedicate a time today to honor this portal in time, this cardinal point of the year that is Winter Solstice, honouring your shadows and celebrating your light

You can find some ideas about how to celebrate and connect with the energy of Winter Solstice in some of my older posts in the following links 

Dissolve, imagine, create! A ritual for the Solstice 

Feliz Solsticio y un regalo de Navidad 

Earth Medicine

Earth Medicine

I deeply love stones and crystals. This summer, going through a very critical time with a very serious injury in my leg, mostly immobilized and in the middle of an emotional storm, I gathered all my allies to get ready for the process that was ahead. No doubt some of them were stones and crystals. The were bringing the Earth medicine, so much needed in a moment of literal disconnection from my roots, with a big muscle and tendon tear in my right hamstring.

When getting stones and jewelry I let my intuition guide me. Then I find information about the stones and see they match what I need. The jewelry I wear has a purpose and a meaning. I feel it like the Earth Medicine.

Injuries and disease are times of processing lots of shadow material. So I thought black.  Lava stone. I immediately felt in love with two bracelets from Mukhas: The Volcanic Lava and the Eivissa bracelet. Lava stone is fire transformed in solid ground. Just what I needed. Fire for the inner practices, so determinant in difficult moments, and grounding as the tear of my muscles was a disconnection from the Earth. Volcanic lava is also a black porous material that absorbs negative energies and helps to work with your shadow stuff.

 

Rudraksha is always with me. My japa (mantra recitation) companion reminds me of the place of stillness inside. That place that we call Shiva. Myth says that rudraksha sprouted from the Earth as Shiva shed his tears for the death of her beloved Sati in the fire pyre defending his honor. Tears transform pain and frustration into surrender and surrender is the magical portal for transformation. As it is mantra. Rudraksha is the touch of mantra on my fingers.

The Eivissa bracelet inspired me for many reasons. I loved the description “for anyone going through a change of direction”. I loved all the stones too. And Eivissa is one of my favorite places in the world.

 

Turquoise is one of my favorite stones since I was a child. Protector of gypsy travelers, reminder of the Ocean. During the days at home I used to close my eyes and visualize the sea and that brought me the feeling of freedom. Obsidian, another black stone. One of its properties is to help taking decisions. It was time for a big one. to go through surgey or let Mother Nature find the way of healing. That took a great deal of meditation, contemplation, of feeling my body. I felt truly assisted by the energy of obsidian and lava stone.

 

To complete the earth medicine kit, I felt instantly attracted towards the pendant angel aura. This angel quartz truly lights up my mood with its rainbow reflections and brings in the angelic energies for purification and protection. And there is such a healing power in being surrounded by beautiful things

The process is being strong; healing is powerful. I am grateful for the process. I am grateful for all my allies. I am grateful for the power of the stones. I am grateful for the Earth medicine that fills me with light and surrounds me with beauty. Thank you Mukhas for the perfect balance of consciousness and beauty.  

You can see here the article published in the Mukhas website

 

The soul´s journey

The soul´s journey

My heart is full of gratitude for all your support and all the love I have received from so many of you. Although this is a long process until full recover, last week was an inflection point and news started to be good. (If you have no idea what I am talking about you can read my first blog about this process HERE)

A few weeks ago, as I was listening the monthly webinar from a course I am taking with my teacher Sianna Sherman (urbanpriestess.com) I felt overwhelmed by frustration. It was the beginning of the Leo Moon and, with it,  the time of the wild women archetype, with whom I have always felt very identified. An invitation to play and enjoy the wildness of summer and nature, while I was feeling like a feline in a cage. It was also the Celtic Holiday of Lammas, that represents the first harvest, the harvest of the grain. The moment to start collecting the fruits we have planted over the year. Contemplating my plans and projects, and the state of immobility I was in, I felt deeply disappointed, as if my crop had been swept by a hail, by a hurricane storm.  I cried a lot. Tears are like sea water. The Ocean is what most connect me to my wildness. Tears turns frustration into surrender and, from that place, it is easier to feel gratitude for everything I have. I committed to connect with my wild woman to go inside and explore and play and enjoy the situation.

Some spiritual masters say that everything that happens is an answer to our prayers and our deepest desires. So I kept asking to myself  why I had wished for such an intense injury. The first answer was very obvious. I really needed to rest. To have time without traveling and rest deeply. But I knew there was something else.

I went back in time to contemplate my initial intention when I started practicing yoga in 1997. Actually I was never thought that it will become such a physical practice. I wanted to feel well. To transform the sutile  but constant insatisfacción and melancholy that I felt since I was a child into that inner peace that yogis talked about. Soon after I found Ashtanga yoga. Three years later Anusara yoga®. Asana became my main yoga practice. Meditation came later. Ok. Now asana is gone for a while. If you are a yogi you know what that means, Not easy. During the first days I could not even taken any of the restorative poses I know. For weeks the only possible one was Supta Badha Konasana, with pillows to hold my legs.   None of the advanced asanas that I used to practice often could help me in this moment. Meditation and mantras could. Thank you!! I looked up into my journal the list of intentions for this year.  To deepen my pranayama practice,  to study Yoga Nidra…. Interesting!. I could not but smile. I created a daily sadhana that  I have been adapting week by week. Everyday I did my yoga practice. And for a longer time than ever.

 

Another one of my intentions was  to know and work on my shadow more deeply. I have been doing this type of work during the last years but I had the feeling that I needed to go deeper (as it is a time we do not need it). A hot spot for me is reactivity.  One of the persons that is a clear mirror for me with this subject is my sister. I got injured in Spain, when I was spending a few days on holidays with all my family. All this time I have been in my home town, with my mom, in the place I grew up. And I have been totally depending on my sister and her car. I have spent with her more time time than in many years. I can tell it has not been easy. Sometimes when I am with her I feel I behave again as a little girl.  Ans I am not exaggerating when I say that the inner work with my reactivity has been much more intense than the physical exercise for my leg rehabilitation. As a powerful synchronicity, the most difficult day, when I had to take a no return decision about getting surgery or not, the person that was there with me was my sister. I feel all the inner work has given rich fruits. Our relationship has changed over these weeks and now it is a more clear reflection of the love we feel for each other. Mmmm… harvesting.

The teachings of yoga say that the ego (the part of ourselves responsible for the feeling of individuality and separation and from which we live our daily life with our plans and our schedules) does not like chang. They also say that the Self thrives in change. This is the soul´s journey, sometimes hard. Yoga promises that the fruits are always sweet.

I also wanted more time to write and I am having it. I am curios to see how another one of my intentions will manifest after the big tear in my hamstrings: refining my  Uttanasana (standing forward bend). I have until December 31st. I promise a picture.

 

The eye of the storm

The eye of the storm

Life is what happens while you are making plans. And usually, it does not really mind your schedule. One month ago I had an accident water skying that changed, at least, the course of this summer into a journey towards an unknown territory. I had a severe tear in my right hamstrings and its tendon. I have been resting for a few weeks and now finally I start to slowly walk. Although I had several injuries before, I never experienced anything like this. A not very kind invitation to slow down and look inside. Once over the initial shock I would like to share with you this journey, that is being my most advanced asana.

 

During these weeks, I have experienced all the palette of sensations, thoughts and emotions. In Tantra these are called rasas (tastes). Shock. Physical pain. (I have been lucky that the most intense pain only lasted a few days, although now it comes back at times with the rehabilitation). Immobility. Frustration. Deep rest. Rage. Change of plans. Family time. Love. Sadness and healing tears. Work adjustmens. Being taking care of with love. Dependence and lack of freedom. Gratefulness. Being away from the Ocean and my home. Family tension. Awareness. Difficult decision making. Laughter. Confusion. Fear. Fear. Fear.

After some time the physical body lets go. But the mind is a harder one. This was the most difficult part during the first days: the continuos lidia with the fast flow of thoughts. Thoughts that reproduce themselves as the demon  Raktabija  under Kali´s sickle (this myth tells us that each drop of Raktabija´s blood, in contact with the Earth, became a clone of the demon. Bija means seed. Kali sticks her tongue out  to drink every drop of his blood and annihilate the demon)  And the emotions that appear like huge waves that swallow you. Accept and assmilate the flow of thoughts and learn to surf the emotions. An intense job, a great tapasya.   Then there is a moment when, as unique antidote to suffering surrendering happens. And the peace that comes with it.

I will not deny it. Waves come back. Some times are enormous. Pulsation is intense. On one hand the frustration, the burden of all the things I cannot do now, of not having control. (Or should I say the illusion of having it?) On the other hand an inner feeling, like an excited child; a feeling of  “mmm… there is learning here, and opportunity for growth”. On one hand the attachment to the memories of the past and the anxiety and fear for the future. On the other hand, the delight of so many unique moments with their own magic.

 

I take refuge inside. This is the gift of yoga. There is a place, like in the eye of the storm, where there is pure calm. A place, in the middle of an aureole of flames, in which eternally,  the Ananda Tandava, the dance of bliss of Shiva Nataraja, is taking place. There, as him, I try to keep a gentle smile and a serene gaze, Sambhavi mudra, observing everything and focused inside.  It is much easier for me to do that in Natarajasana and, it si for that I say this process is my most advanced asana. And although there are tears sometimes, I am fully committed to happiness and peace.

 

 

“The pain of transformation is real – physically and psychically – but only the intensity of the fire can unite body and soul. This is a soul-making process…The body is the grit that produces the pearl.” Marion Woodman 

 

Follow your Bliss (II)

Follow your Bliss (II)

A long time since I shared my inner world here… I left it on chapter 1 of “Follow my Bliss”. Yes. Last year I learnt a lot through pain and how to find serenity and even happiness in the most difficult moments. For this one, I set up the intention of connecting every day with ananda, the essence of bliss that is the throb of the Universe, that is my heartbeat. It might sound a bit presumptuous, but the same way that most yogic texts start with the highest teaching, why not aiming to one of the highest intentions of yoga practice and of life itself? To bring the fullest happiness to my life. To enjoy the pleasure of being alive, my body sensations, the places that my mind takes me to, the emotions that arise from my heart. To experience happiness, delight, pleasure. And I am not talking about ephemeral happiness or momentary pleasure. I am talking about happiness that feels like peace, like fullness, like a huge inner smile; about pleasure that fills your soul and transform you forever.

I meant to write about it and I must apologize (maybe not) for getting lost among traveling, experiences, encounters that kept me away from my computer and more in contact with myself. Wow! The power of intention is beyond question. Days after writing that last blog, I started feeling how inner walls were knocked down, old patterns started to  crack, preconceived  ideas started to dissolve and my life started to change, both inside and outside.

Now I can write, not only from the intention but also from its experience. I have learnt that I have to listen, feel, refine my senses to experience the nature around, but also to refine the inner listening to connect even more with my intuition. That I have to get rid of the “noise” that does not allow listening the fundamental throb.  That sometimes I have to say farewell to parts of myself because there are part of the noise. That each moment of bliss and delight bring along a choice of surrender, openness and greater vulnerability.

 

I truly believe that human beings can experience much more pleasure and delight, much more happiness; that happiness is inherent to our nature. But sometimes we have to work with dedication, not to “build happiness” but to let go of everything that does not allow us to experience it. For me, yoga and meditation are key tools to cleanse, to let go, to connect. Also are the Ocean, surfing, love, healthy and nutritious food, inspiring reading….  Which are your tools  for happiness? 

Ananda comes always together with a deep experience of awareness. In sanskrit it is called Cit. It is my practice to try to be more aware and question myself every day if my actions are in service of my desire to experience life as ananda.  So I often ask to myself:

Which aspects of my life, that maybe I even desired and manifested some time ago, are not contributing now to my experience of life as delight? 

Which of them can I change from today? Am I willing to change them? 

Which of them can I change in a long term?  What do I need to do today to start initiating the change? 

Take the reins of your happiness. Do it now. Why do you want to wait? Only the way will already surprise you .

 

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