“The Universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for your senses to refine and being able to receive them” 

I received this teaching more than 15 years ago from Douglas Brooks and my vision of yoga radically shifted. Tantric Philosophy took me back home. To a place where I felt I had been dwelling before. To a world of teachings where to be a yogi does not imply to renounce our senses and the world we perceive through them, but where the discipline of the practice (this is no different at all from other  yoga traditions) takes us to be more capable to experience everything, inside and outside ourselves, with more depth, with more delight, with more intensity.

This teaching came back this week in my advance studies of Tantra with Paul Muller-Ortega, reminding me how fortunate I am to be part of a linaje of beings that envision the world as the embodiment of the Supreme Intelligence that we call Shakti.

When I talk about TRANSFORMATION (for me one of the keys of our practice) I mean exactly that. To soften sharp edges, to clean layers, to refine skills so our perception can change, can be sharper and more subtle. So simple. So complex. As usual, paradoxical.

Not sure about you, but I am not content with experiencing life at a superficial level. So I practice yoga, in the multiples shapes it takes. My goal: to refine the senses, to refine the capacities of the mind, to refine the methods of understanding and knowledge, To become more of a human being, more refined, more capable to detect the spark of consciousness that ignites each experience, each object, each thought, each interaction. And able to feel with more and more clarity the essence of love that pulsates in every moment.

A few weeks ago, during several jet-lag nights after my return from California, I enjoyed some precious time of contemplation about this  year and about where I want to point my arrows towards for 2018.

Personally, after last year´s accident and injuries, this has been a year of recovery, deep healing, growth and transformation and immense learning.  I have felt deep inside how yoga helps to transform wounds into wisdom, pain into compassion; that happiness is a process and not a place to reach. That life sometimes feels like a bad joke, but that it is better when you laugh, and that the most difficult situations offer to you the most beautiful hidden treasures. My theme for 2017, transmutation, was present at all moments.

In February, few weeks after I got out of bed, my dog Ananda and I embarked in a journey to return to Morocco where I had to teach a Teacher Training that I had to cancel two times. Synchronically, a healing workshop I wanted to take was happening in my way in the South of Spain just at the perfect time. A stopover to cleanse and bring a new start after having visited the underworld for several months.

The Teacher Training in Morocco was a full challenge, physical and mentally, being very limited in my asana practice, with my weak legs and a yoga shala in the fourth floor. It was also very nurturing at the emotional level. The group. formed by yogis and yoginis from different places in the world, created a real feeling of  kula, of community, and it was truly encouraging to get feedback about being an inspiration but teaching more from the heart than from the physical body.

Reaching those memories, it seems they happened years ago! But only 10 months have gone by. Time is so relative and it is to related to the intensity of life.

This year has gone fast but with certain dose of eternity. Maybe because I have really savour every moment. I have spent time close to the ocean. I have travelled to several places to teach. One of them San Sebastian, were I feel so at home with the amazing Northern kula. I have met again with the Anusara yoga community in Samavesha, where it was very exciting to teach classes for 100 people. I have cultivated very special friendships. I had moments of deep frustration for not being able to do everything I was used to do with my body. I have been in awe with its capacity for healing and regeneration, and I have created a new relationship with it and my yoga practice.  I have seen my dog being attacked by two big dogs and spent days and nights taking care of her. 

I have visited and re-visited inner places of wound and pain to heal them. I have watched sunsets over oceans of different continents. I have participated in the Foundation Training Certification Program, a new intelligent alignment system that I hope to help many people with. I have seen mountains on fire looking like volcanoes and I have felt suffocated by the smoke. I have been truly grateful for clean air and blue skies. I have surfed again in the Bay, even if with small waves. I have spent time with my family and seen the impossible: my mom falling in love with my dog. I have received healing therapies. I have started my very first Advance Teacher Training  with a very dedicated group of students and special guest teachers… wow…. I could go on and on…

What I have not done much lately is to write in my blog and to be in social media. One of my intentions for next year. What a dilemma!!! When I live so fully I do not have so much time for my phone and my computer. But these are the times we live in. We have to participate in the “real” reality as much as in the virtual one, that keeps us connected out of time and space.

In general, 2017 has been a year of intensity. The world seemed possessed by an unstoppable madness. The Earth screams, cries,   burns up, shakes. What are we doing to Her? We cannot not listen to the Pachamama any longer. We are losing control of a whole civilization whose social, political, economical and cultural systems are in deep crisis. Technological progress is so fast that there is no time to catch up. The feeling is at times spine-chilling. I don´t know if you feel the same but, often, I feel so small against such intensity and vertiginous change. At the same time, I am learning to live in peace in such a turbulent world. The sensation is similar to surfing in the ocean. A mix of fear, excitement and pleasure; humility agains the power of nature and the greatness of life; gratitud for being part of the whole of it.

Inside all of this, human beings are embarked in a capital process of transformation of gigantic dimensions. Never in history has been a time where all the world esoteric traditions have places their teachings to the service of the whole of humanity. The communication era makes possible that we can access those teachings that resonate closer to our heart. So much wisdom at the reach of all! But if we win to create real transformation the teachings alone are not enough. We need  clare vision and great commitment. The moment is now and there is no time to waste.

What do you do in your daily life  to heal, to grow? 

Which are the next steps to crear the life you wish and the world you want to see?  

In this last day of the year, I invite you to dedicate some ritual time to contemplate about 2017: the success and the failures; the moments of happiness and the challenges. Create also some clear intentions so you can bring real transformations for 2018, in your life and in the world. If you want an example of ritual, you can find it in this old entry   HERE

I say good-bye with the deep wish to live everything from the love in our hearts. Love for yourself. Love for the people around you. Love for what you fo. Love for the Pachamama. And from there to be able to manifest our wildest dreams, with work and dedication. I will be sharing my dreams with you along the way. In 2018.

Happy New Year!

The Sun is in Gemini, one of the air signs that governs words and communication. Gemini is also associated with the muse archetype, and with all the ways in which inspiration flows into our lives and in which we connect with the abundant river of creativity, But today, lets focus on communication, that is another river itself. .

In the recent Anusara yoga gathering in Italy, Samavesha 2017, it has been fascinating to enjoy the diversity of voices and all the different forms in which the teachings are lived and expressed. To share in community is so beautiful, and at the same time, I am totally aware that one of our greatest challenges are community and communication. It is so difficult at times to express our truth. To listen other´s truth. To understand and be understood. A big challenge. To make things more complicated, we live in times of global community. Yes, I am talking about social media communities. It is an issue that intrigues me and, I have been contemplating the dynamics of communication in this territory and how, from my point of view, they reflect and intensify what we can call “the shadow of communication”.

Words are powerful. In yoga there is the concept of Matrika Shakti. Literally “ the power of letters”. Letters, in the Sanskrit alphabet, are called Matrikas, little mothers, because they give birth to words, and then to our verbal or written expression.

 Words are loaded with Shakti, with generative energy, either or not we are aware of it. They serve to teach and to learn. To inspire others. To touch hearts. To uplift and empower. To delight. But they can also serve to hurt people. To put someone down.  To manipulate the truth. To betray a secret.

Years ago, most of shared information was contrasted and verified. It was unusual that, for instance, private conversations, were made public. In our virtual communication becomes very easy to say whatever you want without proving wether is true or not. Or to share private information since everything gets somehow recorded. We have access to thousands and it is possible to say anything just facing your computer or your iPhone screen. Yes, social media place all of us in a very vulnerable space. It is said that a lie told many times becomes a truth. And this is what sometimes happens. Someone publish something that in a minute a bunch of individuals “share” and “comment”, adding an opinion maybe without really knowing the facts or the intentions behind them. Yes, it is like in a “reality show” but here nobody gets paid,

• Are you aware of your communication pattern? 
• Do you speak from a place of reactivity? 
• Would you be willing to observe those patterns and try to change the ones that do not serve you or others?
• Would you like to communicate from the heart and always thinking about the greater good? 

There are teachings from psichology, from yoga and from other Eastern traditions that can illuminate this issue and bring about healthier ways.  Communication can become a powerful yoga practice. And it is a daily practice!! So although it is not an easy one, there are some simple steps we can follow. 

1. A fundamental aspect is  shadow work.
   One way to know your shadow is to observe which are the behaviours and comments from others that trigger you. Ask yourself why they make you feel so uncomfortable or agitated, without placing the emphasis on the other person or the action or comment themselves, but on you. We bring to light past experiences or unconscious patterns, so they will stop controlling us from hiding. parts of the unconscious mind that they will stop controlling from the shadow. Then there is no reactivity but conscious communication.
2. Take time every day to bring your attention inside
   Nothing new under the Sun here. The yogic practices of pranayama, meditation, contemplation, really improve anything in our lives. Few days ago I was studying the  Shiva Sutras with Carlos Pomeda. The main teaching is that human beings get lost constantly in the extroversión of our own lives. This causes lack of clarity and suffering. The antidote is to dedicate some time to bring the attention closer to the Self. And if we get stablished in that place inside, and we communicate from there, communication happens, not from reactivity but from compassion. With time, the external craziness starts to affect us less and less, for instance, what the others say, even if the talk is about us.

3. The Four Gates of Speech.

   If everything above is still a bit abstract for you, this is a very down to earth practice that you can start to use in your next conversation. 

Let me know your thoughts and the effect of these practices on your communication with others.

Connect inside and don´t be afraid to express your truth from the heart.

NAMASTE

We are in the month of Aries that represents the archetype of the warrior and the warrioress. It is the fiery energy able to initiate, to move through inertia, to fight for justice.  The initiator of transformation. Although we are about to transit into Taurus, I want to share a story, that always inspired me. It is all about warriors, peacocks and transmutation. And as I see the crazy news today, where battles are fought in the name of misguided power and control, I deeply feel the need for us, as yogis, to become ever more committed to our practices and to be brave to fight both the outer battles, in the form of our fierce commitment to our values, and our inner battles. The battles for deep healing, the battles for a life of love.

Once upon a time, there was a thousand-eyed demon called Tarakasura. Trough his austerities, he obtained a boon so he could only get killed by, no one else than, Shiva´s son. Shiva was very well known for her fierce asceticism. After the tragic death of her beloved Sati, who jumped into her father´s ceremonial fire feeling dishonored by him (by her father), everyone doubted he would ever marry again. Taraka felt powerful and indestructible, freely terrorizing and destroying all the three worlds, even the Heaven of the Gods.

The Gods fervently invoked the Maha Devi (the primordial Shakti, the Great Femenine power) through rituals, prayer, mantra and ceremony, so she would incarnate as a Goddess to gain Shiva´s heart again. She became embodied as Parvati, the daughter of the mountain and, after a very long story, she married Shiva.

All the Gods are happy. Now Shiva can have a son. But the love-making between Shiva and Parvati is so intense, and the seed of their love so hot, that no one can hold it. Not even Parvati. So she gives the seed to her sister Svaha, Agni´s wife (the fire God). But even her, that is hot and fiery, can only hold it for a limited time. So she put it inside the cold waters of Goddess Ganga. After a while, Ganga passed it on to the forest Goddess Aranyani, that plants the seed into the fertile soil. It is so that through all this different places, a symbol of the different yogic paths of transformation, a beautiful six-headed boy is born. Vishnu asked the six Krittika star devis to suckle the newborn baby. He took six separate forms until Parvati came and brought the six babies together again in an embrace.

His name was Kartikeya, also known as Skanda or Murugan. He became the Lord of War, and the best of the warriors, as this was his dharma. He is described in the Skanda Purana as brave and intelligent, a great devotee of Shiva, his father, and with the charisma of a leader that will guide Gods and men into battle to defeat  the demon Taraka.

And so it was. When, after a long battle, he killed such a horrible beast he thought, “how could I turn this disaster into beauty?”.  And so he transformed the thousand eyes of the demon into the feathers of the peacock. And the peacock became his vahana or vehicle of Consciousness, as a symbol of transmutation, of what it is possible to do with the ugliest of our experiences.

Such a beautiful way in which the ancestral wisdom tell us that the yogic power, the one that spring forth from the inner marriage of Shiva and Shakti, of our inner self and our outer actions, is all about transmuting experiences into beauty; about allowing creativity to flow from the battle grounds of the heart; about transforming grieve into hope, anger into acceptance, fear into love, limitations into wisdom. I felt many times inspired by this story. Inspired to create, to paint, to sing,… or to write. And you? In what do you transform your inner demons? 

Where are you being called to battle? 

How are you a leader in your community? If you are not yet, where do you feel the call of leadership in service to others?  

How do you transform the debris of your inner battles in beauty and wisdom? 

Is there a yogic practice more transformative than mantra? Mantra is an energetic device that works in the most subtle places inside your being. It is the power of the Shakti, the creative energy of the Universe, its vibration, creating sonic forms inside of you, dissolving limitations, birthing new structures, transmuting the core of your being at all levels, from the physical to the most ethereal.

In India, Mahashivaratri is a time of fasting, a time of meditation, a time of chanting. it is a time fully dedicated to Consciousness in its formless form as Shiva, the Ultimate Reality. It is a night of mantra. It is said that, the effects of repetition of the mantra Om Namah Shivaya, of dissolving obstacles, of cleansing karmic patterns, of manifesting your innermost heart desires, of expanding consciousness, of remembrance of our essential nature of awareness and bliss, are multiplied by thousand. It is believed that, in this particular moment of the year, there is a especial energy that favours spiritual connection and growth. And to synch into that current of energy one must be awake, with the spine erect. Getting close to one of most magical and powerful nights of the year I would like to invite you, even if you do not stay awake all night, to take a time for yourself, to go inside and to repeat the Maha mantra.

It is interesting that the probably most important spiritual holiday in India, is a celebration of darkness, just the night before the Moon will disappear completely from the sky. Not really strange though if we think that Shiva, in the myths, always embraces the dark, the marginal, the rejected, teaching us that everything that Jung would call “the shadow” are places in our being where we find our true power. If we are able to make the transformation, of course. In the beautiful mythological story in which the Devas (the lights) together with the Asuras (the demons) have to churn the Ocean of Milk, a metaphor of the practice of yoga, and after the Ocean has gifted them with multiples presents as brilliant precious stones and several other treasures, there is a moment when, from the bottom of the Ocean, the most venomous and toxic poison emerges.

There is a great Tantric teaching in this story. Shiva neither rejects the poison nor hides it in a remote place.He transform it in the sonic power of mantra, in vibration, in pulsation. He extracts from the poison its essence, that is not other that his own essence and transmute it into energy.

Any poison that is in your life at the moment (and I am sure that there is more than one and some of them can be really toxic), take it, accept it, embrace it and during this magical night just repeat the mantra.

You can recite the mantra in loud voice. You can repeat it internally feeling the silenced sound vibrating inside yourself. You can sing it. In solitude or in company. In any way allow the mantra and your heart to melt into each other. Feel its healing power multiplied by thousand during Maha Shivaratri. And, as my teacher Sally Kempton instructs, repeat it with the conviction that “the mantra is not other than the Supreme Consciousness that permeates the Universe and it is not other than yourself”. Like the poison. Poison that with the churning (the repetition of the mantra) of the Ocean of Milk (your heart) will be slowly transmuting into nectar.

As I was getting ready for the Anusara Yoga Teacher Training in Morocco, a very especial course for me for multiple reasons, I invoke the energy of one of my most close and loved archetypes: the Goddess Saraswati, the power, among many other things, of language and communication; also the sacred energy of mantra. And just in these days that Saraswati puja was celebrated, and connected with my 2017 theme Transmutation, I feel like writing about creativity, about inspiration, about art and about all the ways that human beings we use to creatively express to transform our experience.

Saraswati is the Goddess of language, of artistic expression; the Goddess of both teachers and students; the Goddess of refinement. Through all my years as a yogini I have had a very close relationship with her. In fact, this relationship has been there through all my life, since I have been always a nerd, but in my pre-yoga life I did not know that we passionate and eternal students were channeling the energy of this beautiful hindu deity. Things of the destiny, that in spite of Kali, Durga or Laksmi that kept me really busy, she is the one that has the most privileged place in my puja. Between 2003 and 2004 I spent nearly a whole year in India. I really wanted to find a murti (a physical representation of a deity usually made of metal, stone or wood). I wanted it to be big, exquisite and preferible of Shiva Nataraja. Shiva in the form the Lord of the Dance de la Danza is another very significant archetypal energy in my spiritual life through different linages. Furthermore, one of my visits to his temple in Chidambaran, dedicated to the space element or akasha and with such a suggestive name as “Clothed in Consciousness”  literally saved my life (here there is another full story that I would write some other day but for now I will go back to the murti). It was there where I found the Nataraja of my dreams but for some strange reason, of those that only have a place in India, it was not possible to send it to Spain from there. I never got to know exactly.

I travelled through India for months and only the last month, in the city of Pushkar in Rajhastan, I found a shop that looked like a trasure cave, filled with precious sculptures, loaded with energy. There it was the most beautiful and harmonious Nataraja I had ever seen. I reserved it right away and I returned one week later, after a magical trip in the desert. When I entered the shop I felt an intense presence, extremely intense, to my right. So intense that I could not but turn to look. There She was. Gorgeous, radiant, full of Shakti. I could not turn my eyes and even my body from that murti. She was  Saraswati, of course. I had to take a difficult choice because I did not have enough money for both and it was Her that made the journey to Spain.

After that long journey in India I moved to Barcelona, where I would teach yoga. It was my  return to Spain, to my country, after nearly eight years of absence. My first yoga class in Barcelona was February 5th 2005. It was Saraswati puja. From that day I always celebrate it. I also feel Her expressing through me every time I teach.

Back to transmutation, Saraswati evokes the energy of the muse. She is pure inspiration. She is the creative energy of the Universe and all the beautiful ways in which it manifests through us.  Saraswati represents all human capacities to create beauty.  Radically different from most other Goddesses from the hindu pantheon, that they are usually very connected with Nature, She represents the refinement of language, everything that makes us fully humans, the capacity of abstract thought, the possibility to evoke feelings through poetry, of reaching the heart through music.

Besides refined and generative of beauty through words, sounds, colors, images, this creative energy is profoundly transformative.  In a writing course with my dear friend Susanna Harwood-Rubin, we were asked to contemplate which were the rasas (feelings, flavors of existence) from which we more often wrote. I observed that I like to write from experiences of ecstasy and deep connection, but also many time from sadness, from pain and, sometimes even from anger and frustration. Getting inspired in difficult experiences and transforming them into words, finding the connection between what I feel, what I am going through and myths, stories, teachings, becomes an alchemical process through which the feelings transmute and the experiences take on a new sense.  The alchemical power of art is there both for the artist and for the ones that enjoy the artwork. For example, Picasso´s Guernica. Through his inspiration and mastery, he was able to transform a horrendous experience in a magnificent piece of art, full of symbols and full of feelings, that makes us live the horrors of war, but reminds us, at the same time, of the human capacity to create beauty from any situation.

This year I feel  Saraswati very present. Writing, creating, as a way to transform, new creative projects that bubble inside of me. It is my strong desire to have the steadiness and well doing so they get born. In the meantime I have been loving painting feathers, as if to transform the heaviness of the world into lightness.

Which feelings or experiences awaken your creativity?

Is there any experience in this moment in your life that you would like to transmute through artistic expression?

This is a year of symbols and sacred tools. They show up loaded with purpose and meaning. In december I got  a card this card on a reading (from Ariel Spilsbury´s 13 Moon Oracle)

The Sacred Tool of the Peacock Feather – TRANSMUTE

Card from Ariel Spilsbury´s 13 Moon Oracle

One the other hand, there is the process that is called darshan in the Hindu tradition. For example, a spiritually awakened being, through transmission, can bring an alchemical change of structure in your being. It doesn´t need to be a person. It can be a teaching from a book,  a puja or any kind of ritual, a moment of profound connection with nature, a life experience. Sometimes just a light touch, like a feather touch, brings a deep shift of vision and that is the most profound of the changes. (Sometime this is literally done this way and the teacher touches the student on the top of his head with a peacok feather to transmit a stroke of illuminated awareness)

In some way, this polarity in the process of transmutation takes me back to the idea that  for the practices to be sustainable in time, they have to participate from two elements: the fire (agni) and the nectar (soma). The intensity of our effort, that energy from the practice that with the power of our intention is able to destroy and create Universes, and the light touch of Grace. A blow, a breeze with such refined, elevated, precise, awakened energy that is able to bring about the most transformational shifts. The light touch of spirit that with subtleness, and not by any means less intense and radical, generates a momentum of quickening, of acceleration, of ripening.  

I leave you with a contemplation:

Where or when in your life have you felt the subtle touch of spirit quickening the processes of change in your inner self or your outer life?

How does it feel to be softly pushed towards the vortex of transmutation?

I would love for you to share your experience…

I love the practice of creating a theme at the beginning of the year. It provides me with focus and meaning in every step I take; it offers me direction when I get dispersed in the messiness of life; it give me direction when I lose my North. This year the theme springs forth from the bottom of my being, from the rawness of darkness, from long times of contemplation and as a gift from all the experiences that I have lived, and I am still living, both external and internally. The idea showed up constantly and it was fully confirmed in a reading using the 13 Moon Oracle by Ariel Spilsbury, that also revealed to me a symbol, that among many things is a symbol of beauty. But today I want to focus on the concept of

Transmutation

We regularly experiment Nature dynamic rythms. Most of spiritual traditions will teach us to accept that the only permanent thing in life is change. We are constantly changing. But the concept of transmutation does not refer to minor changes or the changes we continually perceive, but to radical transformation: the change of a chemical element into another, that needs of the alteration of its essential nucleus; the transformation of lead into gold, the dream of any alchemist; the transformation of a species until it has such characteristic and different features that has become a new one.

Immersed during several months in a transformation cocoon, I feel this process of radical and deep change happening, not in a linear and logical way, but like anarchícally bubbling, becoming a new me in many ways. At the same time, we all live in a world that is undergoing abrupt big changes, huge readjustments happening at a geological level, at a biological level, at an economical, social and political level. We are witnessing the collapse of old structures and empires, a real growth crisis, like if the Earth and humanity´s hormones went crazy in adolescence mood.

We are called, as individuals, as a society and as a species, to transmute. What you do for your personal evolution matters and makes a difference

One of my favorite definitions of yoga is as “a technology of transformation”. Yoga offers infinitude of practices that teach us to observe and change stagnant patterns in our bodies, in the breath, and in our minds. It is said that, due to the interconnection between the different bodies or “koshas” of our being, even changes at the DNA level are possible when we allow for radical changes of the inner structures of our self. Without doubt, yoga can be and is an incredible ally in the process of personal and collective transmutation. If, as I do, you feel that we are in need of a radical change, start from the closest. Starts with yourself. Cultivate the values you long to see outside and commit to them.  One of the major discoveries along my 20 years of practice is that, in the process of learning to deal with my personal resistance to change (nobody says this is an easy goal), I feel much more compassion and empathy to the people in the world that is basing their choices in fear and that is looking for protection in the external powers that brings more and more control. And this world for sure needs much more compassion, empathy and love towards those who do not share our same vision.

If you do not like what you see, try to radically change something inside of you or in your way of living. My wishes for a year of growth, transmutation and metamorfosis, so every one of us can become its most powerful and beautiful version of themselves.

I love this day of the year: Winter Solstice. The day with the greatest promise of light. This year has come for me with lots of shadows and I feel even more connected with this celebration. My practice has been, and it is, to connect with that promise, that is the promise of yoga. Ans not only that, but to learn to celebrate the shadow as well, in the same way that we celebrate today the longest night of the year.

Over the last months, I have felt the great pulsation of light and shadow; of resistance and surrender; of hating and savouring the process; of feeling lost and of being in love with life mysteries. I have lived moments in which the pulsation turns into giant waves that pull you down to the bottom and you feel you could drawn. My neighbour in Morocco, a surf trainer, gave me one an advice that proved very useful in the ocean: “When you are pulled under by the waves, count the seconds. You will realise that the time is not so long as you feel” Sometimes I have found myself mentally counting, and not precisely under the water…

The journey to the underworld, as in Inanna´s myth, is real. As they are all the fears, the sensations, the pain and all the parts of your being that get revealed.  Josep Soler, in his book  “The journey of the soul”  says that  “after the fear there is nothing”.  I have felt that there is a moment when you have spent so long with your fears, with your shadow aspects that they become so familiar than your perception and judgement about them change. And you start accepting them as parts of yourself.

And with that acceptance it comes the gift that is hidden in each process, inside each challenge. Some are obvious, like the gift of time. Some are still to be revealed.

My gratitude for all of them. Thank you for the flash of insight inside a book. Thank you for all the different forms of help and support. Thank you for the raw open heart enlightening conversations with the most special friends. Thank you of the wisdom of dear teachers that show up when you need them the most. Thank you for sisterhood. Thank you for the spark of life as the energy that spring forth when everything seems exhausted.

My commitment, this Winter Solstice, is to honor the darkness and transmute it into new life, with every breath, with every step, and to celebrate the light 

I invite you to dedicate a time today to honor this portal in time, this cardinal point of the year that is Winter Solstice, honouring your shadows and celebrating your light

Dissolve, imagine, create! A ritual for the Solstice 

Feliz Solsticio y un regalo de Navidad 

I deeply love stones and crystals. This summer, going through a very critical time with a very serious injury in my leg, mostly immobilized and in the middle of an emotional storm, I gathered all my allies to get ready for the process that was ahead. No doubt some of them were stones and crystals. The were bringing the Earth medicine, so much needed in a moment of literal disconnection from my roots, with a big muscle and tendon tear in my right hamstring.

When getting stones and jewelry I let my intuition guide me. Then I find information about the stones and see they match what I need. The jewelry I wear has a purpose and a meaning. I feel it like the Earth Medicine.

Injuries and disease are times of processing lots of shadow material. So I thought black.  Lava stone. I immediately felt in love with two bracelets from Mukhas: The Volcanic Lava and the Eivissa bracelet. Lava stone is fire transformed in solid ground. Just what I needed. Fire for the inner practices, so determinant in difficult moments, and grounding as the tear of my muscles was a disconnection from the Earth. Volcanic lava is also a black porous material that absorbs negative energies and helps to work with your shadow stuff.

Rudraksha is always with me. My japa (mantra recitation) companion reminds me of the place of stillness inside. That place that we call Shiva. Myth says that rudraksha sprouted from the Earth as Shiva shed his tears for the death of her beloved Sati in the fire pyre defending his honor. Tears transform pain and frustration into surrender and surrender is the magical portal for transformation. As it is mantra. Rudraksha is the touch of mantra on my fingers.

The Eivissa bracelet inspired me for many reasons. I loved the description “for anyone going through a change of direction”. I loved all the stones too. And Eivissa is one of my favorite places in the world.

Turquoise is one of my favorite stones since I was a child. Protector of gypsy travelers, reminder of the Ocean. During the days at home I used to close my eyes and visualize the sea and that brought me the feeling of freedom. Obsidian, another black stone. One of its properties is to help taking decisions. It was time for a big one. to go through surgey or let Mother Nature find the way of healing. That took a great deal of meditation, contemplation, of feeling my body. I felt truly assisted by the energy of obsidian and lava stone.

My heart is full of gratitude for all your support and all the love I have received from so many of you. Although this is a long process until full recover, last week was an inflection point and news started to be good. (If you have no idea what I am talking about you can read my first blog about this process HERE)

A few weeks ago, as I was listening the monthly webinar from a course I am taking with my teacher Sianna Sherman (urbanpriestess.com) I felt overwhelmed by frustration. It was the beginning of the Leo Moon and, with it,  the time of the wild women archetype, with whom I have always felt very identified. An invitation to play and enjoy the wildness of summer and nature, while I was feeling like a feline in a cage. It was also the Celtic Holiday of Lammas, that represents the first harvest, the harvest of the grain. The moment to start collecting the fruits we have planted over the year. Contemplating my plans and projects, and the state of immobility I was in, I felt deeply disappointed, as if my crop had been swept by a hail, by a hurricane storm.  I cried a lot. Tears are like sea water. The Ocean is what most connect me to my wildness. Tears turns frustration into surrender and, from that place, it is easier to feel gratitude for everything I have. I committed to connect with my wild woman to go inside and explore and play and enjoy the situation.

Some spiritual masters say that everything that happens is an answer to our prayers and our deepest desires. So I kept asking to myself  why I had wished for such an intense injury. The first answer was very obvious. I really needed to rest. To have time without traveling and rest deeply. But I knew there was something else.

Another one of my intentions was  to know and work on my shadow more deeply. I have been doing this type of work during the last years but I had the feeling that I needed to go deeper (as it is a time we do not need it). A hot spot for me is reactivity.  One of the persons that is a clear mirror for me with this subject is my sister. I got injured in Spain, when I was spending a few days on holidays with all my family. All this time I have been in my home town, with my mom, in the place I grew up. And I have been totally depending on my sister and her car. I have spent with her more time time than in many years. I can tell it has not been easy. Sometimes when I am with her I feel I behave again as a little girl.  Ans I am not exaggerating when I say that the inner work with my reactivity has been much more intense than the physical exercise for my leg rehabilitation. As a powerful synchronicity, the most difficult day, when I had to take a no return decision about getting surgery or not, the person that was there with me was my sister. I feel all the inner work has given rich fruits. Our relationship has changed over these weeks and now it is a more clear reflection of the love we feel for each other. Mmmm… harvesting.

The teachings of yoga say that the ego (the part of ourselves responsible for the feeling of individuality and separation and from which we live our daily life with our plans and our schedules) does not like chang. They also say that the Self thrives in change. This is the soul´s journey, sometimes hard. Yoga promises that the fruits are always sweet.

I also wanted more time to write and I am having it. I am curios to see how another one of my intentions will manifest after the big tear in my hamstrings: refining my  Uttanasana (standing forward bend). I have until December 31st. I promise a picture.

Life is what happens while you are making plans. And usually, it does not really mind your schedule. One month ago I had an accident water skying that changed, at least, the course of this summer into a journey towards an unknown territory. I had a severe tear in my right hamstrings and its tendon. I have been resting for a few weeks and now finally I start to slowly walk. Although I had several injuries before, I never experienced anything like this. A not very kind invitation to slow down and look inside. Once over the initial shock I would like to share with you this journey, that is being my most advanced asana.

After some time the physical body lets go. But the mind is a harder one. This was the most difficult part during the first days: the continuos lidia with the fast flow of thoughts. Thoughts that reproduce themselves as the demon  Raktabija  under Kali´s sickle (this myth tells us that each drop of Raktabija´s blood, in contact with the Earth, became a clone of the demon. Bija means seed. Kali sticks her tongue out  to drink every drop of his blood and annihilate the demon)  And the emotions that appear like huge waves that swallow you. Accept and assmilate the flow of thoughts and learn to surf the emotions. An intense job, a great tapasya.   Then there is a moment when, as unique antidote to suffering surrendering happens. And the peace that comes with it.

I will not deny it. Waves come back. Some times are enormous. Pulsation is intense. On one hand the frustration, the burden of all the things I cannot do now, of not having control. (Or should I say the illusion of having it?) On the other hand an inner feeling, like an excited child; a feeling of  “mmm… there is learning here, and opportunity for growth”. On one hand the attachment to the memories of the past and the anxiety and fear for the future. On the other hand, the delight of so many unique moments with their own magic.

I take refuge inside. This is the gift of yoga. There is a place, like in the eye of the storm, where there is pure calm. A place, in the middle of an aureole of flames, in which eternally,  the Ananda Tandava, the dance of bliss of Shiva Nataraja, is taking place. There, as him, I try to keep a gentle smile and a serene gaze, Sambhavi mudra, observing everything and focused inside.  It is much easier for me to do that in Natarajasana and, it si for that I say this process is my most advanced asana. And although there are tears sometimes, I am fully committed to happiness and peace.